When that beautiful September morning dawned a few miles from Ground Zero, I was in Astoria Queens, still sleeping, a twenty-one year old dreamer who was enjoying a rare morning off from my waitressing gig at the Gingerman in midtown Manhattan. An aspiring actress, wide-eyed and optimistic, leaving Texas and moving to New York had been my dream since I was twelve. We had gone on a family vacation and as my cousin made his way into the city, I had fallen in love. It was everything, the Twin Towers and Lady Liberty, the lights, the energy, colors and the masses of people. It made anything seem possible. And we'd made it happen. Having finished theatre school though and seeing just how difficult a career as an actress was, I had begun to worry. It seemed I spent more time cocktailing than I did auditioning. I began to wonder if maybe sometimes dreams weren’t meant to be pursued.
Then September 11th arrived. Twin sister came into the bedroom we still shared. “A plane just struck the Twin Towers.” Everything changed. In those ensuing moments of horror and disbelief, calling friends and loved ones, to ensure they were safe (they were) it wasn’t just my innocence and naivety that was destroyed that day, it was an entire country’s. In the days and weeks following the attack, as horror and disbelief subsided, wars began brewing and the city I loved attempted to rebuild, I began to question my path. Was an artist’s life what I wanted? It was a career that was destined for uncertainty. How could I handle that in a world where fear and terror was seemingly going to be a constant part. But hearing the stories, both of the survivors and those who lost their lives that day, all of them working towards a goal, inspired me to keep fighting and pursuing mine.
Ten years later, my bar days are behind me and I no longer call New York home. The City of Angels is where I reside now. It wasn’t 9/11 that drove me away but a profound desire to tell stories, to reach people, to be a writer, an actor, a voice for others. Everyone has a calling and this was mine. Today I am lucky to be making my living as an actress and writer. Of course that young carefree girl has been replaced by a slightly more cautious but still hopeful woman. My fighting instinct has remained. My career requires it.
I have of course changed in the decade since that day. I find myself hesitating just for a moment when I board a plane, feel my breath catch when the phone rings too early or a Special Bulletin interrupts regularly scheduled programing. But it’s all out of my control. I have learned to embrace the uncertainty and live in the moment.
9/11 may have battered the city I love, a city I no longer call home but the spirit of New York lives within me. It’s a city that reminded me it is okay to dream and dream big. It is also a city that tested me and on that beautiful day in September we all endured the ultimate test, forcing not just me but everyone to evaluate what was truly important. I always think about what the people who lost their lives that day would have done if they’d known it was their last one. I try to live my life with that in mind. I'm reminded of the first time I stepped off the plane, ready to start my life in the Big Apple, and something 9/11 made all the more important. Follow your dreams. I am wise enough now to know that there’s no guarantee about how much time we get but I know for sure that making the most of it, following your heart is truly what matters.
0 comments:
Post a Comment